Renewal, to everything there is a season

Grief, Season of Renewal ‘To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: …. a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance’ Ecclesiastes 3 On April 7, 2021 a little after midnight, my life partner of 60 years died and with him, I lost my identity. As a result, I began to question if we collectively view life differently during times of mourning or dance. Familiar with the concept of environmental seasonal shifts, I decided to compare it to working through the impact of grief, a winter of seasonal loss. From this perspective, a shift from mourning to dance is dependent on the stability of its underlying soil: bedrock – oneness with a spiritual self, underlying trust in God, subsoil - immediate family support, leaching layer - physical wellness, surface layer - mental wellness, surface soil - habitat, stability of environment, and organic soil – renewal of relationships, events, and or life experiences. In other words, factors of renewal that enable recovery of a healthy lifestyle. Christian GriefShare for example places emphasis on an acronym DEER. Stay hydrated, drink. Eat, schedule dinner with family and friends. Exercise, schedule therapy exercise and regularly work out. Rest, take timeouts as you work through the emotional impact of a horrific lifestyle altering experience. Why? I experienced a more stable lifestyle when I was exposed to people who and or events that made me feel a sense of spirituality; people who had patience, tolerance, were a safe place to fall when life crisis occurred; companions who were willing to share interest in activities that are important to me; who are respectful of the fact that there are times when I need space to be me; of my silence, need for quiet time; of my need to enjoin with others of similar interests; those who work with not against achieving life goals and objectives, have focus on being a 'best friend' relationship. Although there are those who interpret such a list as a ‘wish list’, I rapidly learned that in order to recover a sense of lifestyle balance, such people and events are the so to speak nutrients which worked best for me. Presently, you could say I have travelled through a winter of loss, death; and conducted a ‘soil test’. For, I am somewhat aware of the strengths and weakness of my foundation and accepted it as support for my transition into a new identity; a life that no longer includes my former life partner. Still, as they say, it's not the storm but how you dance in the rain that matters. So, what is my new identity? I am a widow, not a wife. I am a mother of 5 adult children and grandmother of 6 grandchildren. What are my interests? I am interested in gardening, nature, habitat, music, arts, reading, community events, performing arts and sharing such events with family and friends. How will I spend my time? I plan to spend my time catching up on neglected outdoor projects, property management, repair of my neglected home; and attempt to revive activities in arts as well as share such events with family and friends, renew and make new friendships, and commit to church involvement. In other words, STAY IN THE PRESENT – take one day at a time, enable a new normal. Nevertheless, perhaps a more important factor is know that I don’t need to walk this journey alone. I can lean on a sense of spiritual assistance. For, I can sow seeds of renewal: Faith, Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see; Confidence, 2 Corinthians 3:4-5 - Such confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God; Courage, Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand; Memories, Philippians - 1:3 Thanksgiving and Prayer, I thank my God every time I remember you; Love, Romans 8:37-39 - In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38, For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord; And hope, Psalm 71:14 - Hope As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. So, I pray for spiritual guidance, peace - It is my prayer that my hubby knows he is loved. He is loved by all whom his life touched. Thank God for loving me and always watching over me, providing a source of comfort and trust – a soft place to fall whenever I faced life crisis. Heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds – be thankful for his commitment to close the broken hearted. Help me recover from a sense of emptiness due to loss. Heal me from the experience and guide me as I move forward. Keep my heart safe and restore me to wholeness. Help me find love again, open my heart to others. Teach me to learn great lessons from this experience and to trust in his plans for my future. While I will never fully understand the why of my loved one’s choices, am thankful to him for providing an experience of a love that made me feel so cherished and protected that I didn’t simply trust but entrusted myself to another person. I pray that my hubby has found peace - refuge, ‘under his wings you will find refuge, his faithfulness will be your shield’. Psalm 91 And pray that God will help me find peace for my loss – recover from a sense of overwhelming loneliness. Heal my broken heart. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. You could say, having experienced a season of death and loss, winter, I made a choice to scatter seeds of renewal, experience a rebirth through spring. And, as a result, I am beginning to feel whole again. So, won’t you join me, as I continue to walk step by step through a process of grieving, recover a sense of renewed life, an opportunity to again experience love, laughter and joy, an opportunity to not focus on loss but a legacy of having been loved by someone who made me feel so safe that I didn't simply trust but entrusted myself to him. In other words, successfully shift my focus from individual steps to ascending a staircase that leads into renewal of life,’ a time to laugh; a time to dance’. And, perhaps, my life-garden will once again flourish with love, laughter and joy. If you made such a journey, would you choose to focus on ‘weep and mourn’ or’ laugh and dance’? Would you be able to shift your focus from grief to a legacy of garden renewal, enabling stability of a healthy lifestyle? Dedicated to the memory of Garland (Bubba) Malcom Wright Suggested Readings – New International Version Bible Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst Transitions, making sense of life’s changes by Susan Bridges From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks Published by VA Writers Journal 2023, August 2023